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An invitation to lose control

photo-62About a year ago I wrote this blog (it was my 2nd blog ever!)…

The Best Breakup/Life/Business/Success Advice Ever!

Little did I know THE BEST advice ever would come back to me when I needed it once again.

For the past couple of months, I have been exhausted… Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

About a month ago, I was chatting with a counseling colleague of mine and I was telling her about all the things in my life that were stressing me out. She asked me, “Deah, do you know about the three types of business?” I shook my head no… She then shared, Byron Katie says there are three types of business – my business, your business, and God’s business. Are all of the things you are worried about your business?”

I heard this message before it resonated with me to my core.

I realized I was so exhausted because I was so worried about stuff that wasn’t mine to worry about.

That helped a lot in that moment and in the moments thereafter… I felt a huge weight lift as I sorted through all of my worries and let go of things that were other people’s business and God’s business.

I GOT IT! This was great!

Two weeks later, I am at a horse ranch. I am about to go into a round pen with a gigantic horse and the retreat leader asks me, “Deah, what’s your intention with the horse?” Excited, I replied, “To control it!”

She smiled…and asked, “Have you heard of the three types of business?”  *facepalm* Seriously???!!! Obviously, I hadn’t gotten it…

Gently she explained, “Deah, it’s not your job to control the horse. The horse is going to do what it’s going to do…  That’s not your business. Let go of trying to control. Your job is to take care of yourself and your business. When you take care of yourself, the horse will follow you.”

In that moment, I realized that my attachment and attempt to control everything in my life is what was keeping me in everyone else’s business!

Overachievers, myself included, live under the illusion of control. Controlling people. Controlling situations. Controlling outcomes. And on some level, we are really good at it! (…until one day we aren’t!)

When you have your way (control) for so long, it’s hard to realize when the need or expectation for control is actually doing you, your relationships, or your well-being a disservice.

So I have been practicing daily, sometimes hourly… Losing control and staying in my own business.

If I notice myself getting irritated, overwhelmed, or exhausted, I ask myself – Who’s business is this?

Most of the time it’s not my business. Then I can return to attending to my own business which includes a release of control and an invitation to take care of myself.

This is such a more gentle and less stressful way to live.

I would love to hear ways that you are able to stay present and in your own business.


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